Even if you are surrounded by supportive friends and family, and many are not, grief is a lonely
journey. No one, not even the most empathic person, can truly feel another’s grief; no one,
even someone who has lost the same person, grieves the same way. Many loss survivors report
that after an initial period of strong support, friends and acquaintances stop calling, don’t
mention the loved one’s name, and appear to have forgotten about them. While popular
culture speaks of “closure” and “moving on,” this is not the experience of most people.
Loss survivors experience many painful feelings, among them deep sorrow, feelings of
loneliness and isolation, shock, denial, yearning, anxiety, regret, confusion, difficulty
concentrating, physical symptoms, anger, loss or questioning of religious faith, even feelings of
wanting to die yourself. It is especially difficult if the relationship was complicated or
problematic. These feelings are often not shared, for they can feel frightening and abnormal. As
your therapist, I can help you understand and deal with them.
Continuing Bonds theory looks at grief in a new way. According to this theory, it is not
pathological , but rather normal and comforting, for you as the bereaved person to maintain an
ongoing inner connection with their loved one that evolves throughout their life. There are
many ways to do this, such as planting trees, making quilts out of the lost one’s belongings,
establishing a foundation in their name, or frequently talking to them.
There are many excellent resources to help you on your grief journey, such as books,
workshops, and support groups.
I offer individual, couples or family therapy for loss survivors. The therapy takes place in an
empathic and compassionate setting where you can talk about your loved one, express and
cope with your deepest feelings, develop ways to manage the difficult days ahead, move
toward healing, and find additional resources to support you in your grief journey.
I offer my deepest condolences to those of you who have lost loved ones, that you may begin
to feel hope for the future again.
